I wonder how people feel as they grow older. I'm a young pup, you see, and even though I've always felt that my mind was compatible with that of a thirty-five year old woman, my body and excitement still lie in my small years. You know that feeling where your body feels ultra light, your face releases tension, and your head is swarming with happiness - no specific thought - just happiness? And in that moment, you realize why it's so good to live?
I worry that I'm going to lose that feeling.
I worry that when I go for a long car ride on a sunny day, I won't turn up India Arie and sing as loud as I can, but I'll sit and curse the traffic.
I worry that I won't get that topsy turvy feeling in my stomach when I kiss a guy for ten minutes straight, but I'll think about what I have to do the next day.
I worry that I won't close my eyes and say "Mmmm" when I eat a piece of chocolate cake, but I'll eat it in guilt while I count the calories.
I worry about these things because there are days when I feel nothing at all. I don't feel like being happy or sad or angry or excited - I don't even feel like being. I want to fast forward to next week and start from scratch. And isn't that terrible?
You have to take yourself back - back to the day where you felt that feeling. And most importantly, you have to let yourself have that happiness. And that is where I suffer against my own stubborness.
So please, life, be good to me. I will sing to you and dance for you and love you, as long as you provide me the melody, the beat, and the soul. I hope it's not too much to ask - because I think we've got a good thing going here.
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Holy cow! What insight to such a "young pup".
ReplyDelete"your face releases tension"...that's a good one :)
ReplyDeleteSo I am just now finding your blog, thanks to your mom, and have read through all your entries. Your thoughts on "paper" run the gamut from thought-provoking, to intriguing, to just down-right entertaining and funny. Even at my "old" age, I can relate and empathize with all of them. Re a few entries: on one, I could almost bet you wore talking to my son that day. Re another: I am now missing Tony with an acute sharpness this morning.
ReplyDeleteI'll be reading!
I'm so glad you've enjoyed them Betsey! The things you mentioned are exactly what I want my blog to be. I hope that you'll continue to follow!
ReplyDeleteKate, you don't know me but I'm your cousin from Greenwood, MS. I saw that Donnie encourage everyone to read your blog on Tony's site, so I decided to visit. What a beautiful and insightful young soul you are! I'm so happy I came. I hate that I don't know you or got to know Ricky, Tony and Eddie better before they all moved away when we were kids. I try to keep up with Joyce and Shirley on Facebook. I'm at www.facebook.com/judy.nail if you want to visit. Keep writing, and smiling. And I'll keep reading... and wishing.
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